We Couldn’t Eat Inside For The Last Month, But You Can Eat Outside In One Of Pamela Anderson’s Old Breast Implants

Hawthornes

Just a reminder we couldn’t dine indoors for the last month, but we can risk our lives in the middle of a Bella Vista street as cars fly by just to keep a struggling industry afloat. This tailgate porta potty with walls isn’t considered indoors. Why?

At least Newt Gingrich’s moon bases keeps us from going toe to toe with the homeless. They’re getting fucking ballsy lately aren’t they? My buddy was out to dinner and some homeless woman walked by, grabbed a handful of his date’s salad and just took off running down 13th. That won’t happen with these COVID incubators though. Honestly, if owners of bars and restaurants lose their businesses they might as well open a construction company. Some of these structures they built could be the 9th Wonder of the World.

It’s honestly laughable what business owners have had to resort to, but that’s the gritty, Philly tough, hard work light beer mentality this city was founded on. Never give up even when things you can’t control get you down. Do your part this weekend when indoor dining opens back up. Get a couple buddies together. Run up a tab and put a couple servers through college. Next week we could be back to eating out of a Kardashian taint implant.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I want Cam Newton to send someone eating in one of these bubbles to Mars like when he murdered this woman.

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