Someone’s Heart In Philly Can Be Yours For As Little As $500

Jesus dude I know we’re in a pandemic and emotions are at an all time high but turn the Machine Gun Kelly and Juice Wrld off for a second. When I’m in a funk you know what I like to play? September by Earth, Wind, & Fire. Try to not smile when that first horn gets going.

September is a dollar store anthem. All Dollar Generals are contractually obligated to play it over the loud speaker every 6th song so the employees don’t realize how shitty their lives are, snap, and kill themselves. It helps keep the unnecessary profit loss on turnover down.

Don’t people have enough problems? I don’t need to be bombarded with this guy’s as I’m looking for a chaise sectional to furnish my apartment. And $500? I’m not paying $500 for a heart from a guy with an upper pec tattoo. You made a bad decision branding yourself with what looks like the name “Aladdin” I know you didn’t make the best decisions when it came to drugs and alcohol. Something tells me there’s 5 gallons of cheese whiz from Pat’s and Geno’s that has pumped it’s way through that thing. No chance it’s “Used (normal wear)”. We’ve all bought something sight unseen off of Craigslist that looked good in the pictures than got home to find out there were bricks in the hollowed out bottom where the pull out bed was supposed to be.

I love how this guy put his ad in the collectibles section to like he was selling comic books. Imagine looking for Spiderman #1 as a nice Christmas present for your brother and this pops up. You gotta at least message to see if he has any rare comics right? If I guy is willing to sell his heart he has to be willing to maybe part with a cool Superman collectible.

Do I recognize this could be me if the Sixers start 18-18 by the All Star Break? I do.

P.S. This guy definitely lives in Fishtown. That tattoo shouts bounced at Johnny Brenda’s, dated a bartender from El Bar, fell in love with her vibe, and she took all my money and left.

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