The Coronavirus Vaccine Should Probably Have More Security Around It Right?

The Stone Cold glass breaking sound dubbed over is awesome.

The damn Coronavirus vaccine had less protection than Carson Wentz did this year. Does Pfizer think everyone right now is in the clearest of headspace? Do they not understand how much time the American people have had on our hands for Reddit to radicalize us? There are some conspiracy nuts out there chomping at the bit seeing this vaccine mosey around like it’s going to get the mail. These people wasted all of their money on bunkers and apocalypse equipment. Alex Jones still has survival kits in the warehouse to move. They aren’t ready to go back to their shitty lives after this is over.

The vaccine looks like it’s some Tik Tok kid posing for TMZ after leaving some expensive LA restaurant. Can we get a couple armed guards in the shot to keep the crazies at bay? It’s not like we have a surplus of this shit.

Fortunately, he added, the investments OWS has made in scaling up allows OWS to feel confident that it will be able to distribute 20 million vaccines in December, followed by 60 million doses in January, and 100 million doses by February. 

Anyone could’ve ran up and pushed this R2D2 looking thing on it’s back spilling all the vials and then what? We’d be stuck in this fucking mess for another year? I just want to be able to hug someone again when Ben Simmons hits a 3. Watching the Birds sucks this year. Watching the Birds in 30 degree weather and drinking slushy beer because it’s colder than a polar bear’s taint sucks even more. There’s no one within a country mile of this thing! Not even a FRAGILE on the side? Did we spend all the money on the vaccine we couldn’t afford a package that looks like it’d get crushed like a cereal box under the groceries?

UPS workers handle my Christmas presents with better care than these guys are.

And why do we need a photo op for everything? Did the coronavirus vaccine get tickets to a fucking Gala or something? Buy a new dress for the occasion? Just do your job and let’s get our lives back to normal.

Look at this fucking pageantry of the first nurse getting the vaccine. Did they sell tickets to this thing like it was a damn PPV?

I’m all for celebrating a scientific breakthrough, but come on. I don’t need the old man who just made billions right in front of our eyes yucking it up after he forced a bunch of underpaid researchers to work 100 hour weeks so he could be first to market? What exactly is that old dude’s purpose there? Let the nurse shoot this woman with a million different milliliters of foreign substance and go back to your Manhattan lair.

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