The Bridges Of Philadelphia County

I don’t think people realize just how much of an architectural suspension marvel Philadelphia is. Some of the most beautifully built structures that lead us back and forth from the Jersey shore. Architecture marvels that have stood the test of time that aren’t Big Ben or the Audubon. These bridges are modern works of art that makes you question how the hell did we actually get here.

Ben Franklin Bridge

Look at this beauty! Easily the best bridge of the three major bridges in this city. Whether you’re headed over to Camden to see Dave Matthews or go to XTU at BB&T, hanging at Morgan’s Pier, or heading to the shore this bridge easily shares the most memories for the Philadelphia citizen per capita. When it’s dark out in the summer it dresses to impress. Whoever is running the light show on this structure deserves a raise. Another caveat to the BFB, there’s not much better than the shot of adrenaline you get through your body coming out of the toll on the Jersey side, racing every car to the three lane merge. If your dad never threatened an old ladies life in a Toyota Camry, racing to the inside lane, white knuckling and crossing 5 lanes of traffic like he’s Earnhardt at Talladega then we lived two different lives. Tensions peak when you just spent a whole week in a Wildwood Best Western with your kids. Basically a modern day chariot race to separate the men from the boys.

Thomas Mill Covered Bridge

You gotta pay homage to the GOATs and the Thomas Mill Covered Bridge is Roger Clemens winning a Cy Young Award at age 42. Was he artificially enhanced? Some have speculated. So was the Thomas Mill Covered Bridge in 2000. You don’t become the only remaining single-span, pedestrian wooden covered bridge in a major US city without a couple renovations in the offseason to get the body right. So fuck the haters. Thomas Hill Covered Bridge is still punching out bridges 3x it’s age with off-speed split finger fastballs.

The bridge between the Eagles and being competitive

Tell the George Platt Memorial to take a hike this is the longest bridge in Philadelphia at the moment. There’s no direction, no effective management, no QB, cap hell, and everyone is old or injured. They’re not even the best team in a division where the first place team has 5 wins. We’re officially re-building and might clean house. This was just the last 24 hours. This organization is approaching dumpster fire and it can’t because the most important thing to this city is Eagles football.

The Bridge on Motownphilly – Boyz II Men

Just a classic song that reached #3 on the Billboards. Philly has never had a promising history of quartets except for Boyz II Men.

Wanya crushes the bridge on this song. Motownphilly needs to be played more at sporting events when real life returns.

The Overpass at Matsonford and Radnor Chester Roads

This overpass has stalled more drives than Doug Pederson calling a run on 2nd & 8. Since 2008 43 trucks have been decapitated by the Dahmer of downtown King of Prussia. This bridge gets rammed more than Abella Danger and still shows up everyday. I know most truckers didn’t graduate from Cambridge, but what the fuck is going on here?

Was this consensual?

When your back axle is almost 10 ft off the ground maybe we begin to think of the opportunity costs of pressing on the gas.

The Atria Retirement Home underground Bridge games

That cheating bitch Dolores.

The real ones know about these. The type of games Teddy KGB would get his Oreos stolen at. The bridge games in the basement of the Atria in Center City are where 80 year olds face off against the people who clean their bedpans. An underground gambling ring filled with smoke from Lucky Strike cigs and racism, and stories of the war; distracts these old bags from the realization they’re knocking on death’s doorstep. When you pay $10k/month just to watch Matlock and the Price Is Right you deserve the excitement of pushing Dolores down a flight of stairs because she was taking a “nap” when debt collection time came around. The Golden Girls of Philly don’t play games. If you’re into someone for 45 boxes of Ziti you pay for your fucking Ziti.

South Street Bridge

The absolute favorite from any girl who runs a 5k before 9am on the Schuykill River Trail. You’re bound to see 10 pictures of this exact shot as you’re putting a dent in your couch gearing up for 12 hours of college football, reminding you how much of a lazy piece of shit you are.

Sean Coutourier’s future dentures

Not many people know this, but a partial denture supported by natural teeth is called a bridge. No one deserves a nice bridge more than the Selke award winner. That mouth is so wide open Carson Wentz overthrew it.

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