Has There Ever Been Something More Inauthentic Than Christian Crosby’s Sixers Jersey Unboxing?

This is the first blog I’ve written in 6 months forgive me if I’m a little rusty.

Disclaimer – I like Christian Crosby and think his rise from guy who was on the dunk team, to in-game announcer, to brand ambassador, and his Live Life Nice clothing line is inspiring. I know you have to qualify your thoughts about someone before you rip them in Joe Biden’s America (only kidding. Relax. It’s Kamala Harris’ anyway.) But did I qualify this enough? Can we get onto how absurd this unboxing was? Ok.

You want me to think a guy who’s brand is built around social media every single day, wasn’t expecting a jersey to be sitting in that box? A guy who works closely with the creative team, who probably helped design the prototype for the box, who probably saw his on a conference room table in the Camden facility and just took it home to save Josh Harris some money on shipping & handling even though Josh tried to cut his pay in April. Didn’t know that’s what was going to be staring at him once he opened it?

Would it have killed him to give even half of a Chubbs reaction?

“You gotta love this. If this doesn’t scream Philadelphia I don’t know what does.” Not this.

You motherfuckers made me agree with ESP.

You’re telling me he didn’t see Jalen Mills’ half ass video his PR team made him film in between Call of Duty games?

Or Alex Holley’s and Natalie Egenolf’s?

Btw – If Natalie Egenolf is apart of the branding collab, Gary and I can’t be too far down the list right? As long as we don’t decide to just fart into the mic for the rest of the Podcast’s history I think we have a shot for next year’s when the Sixers plan on featuring a silhouette of Tent City in Kensington and a crack pipe shaped Nike symbol in the top right. Was Philly Jesus to busy for a collab? I saw him the other day rambling to some tourists by the Rocky statue. Trust me he can fit you guys into his schedule. Or did they think his video featuring a heroin needle sticking out of his arm wasn’t necessarily #OnBrand or the message they wanted to send to New Philadelphia. Problems aren’t real in New Philadelphia.

Could you imagine telling Ben Simmons he has to come back from LA so he can take some shots in a boathouse and a street that shuts down for walks to end Lupus?

There’s no chance anyone in that creative meeting has lived closer to Philly than Drexel Hill. The Phlash Bus doesn’t even respect Boathouse Row enough to make it a stop. Think about that. Tourists would rather stand in line for hours waiting to see a glimpse of a bell with a crack in it, then go down to Kelly Drive. Boathouse Row isn’t even the most famous attraction in it’s own neighborhood. Imagine watching the City jersey game this year with a buddy who grew up in the Northeast, and you had to explain Boathouse Row. “It’s a development of warehouses that store boats for WASPy college kids to participate in a sport that’s only available because Title IX requires it to be.” More people think of Boathouse Row as the only place in the city you can die by land, by sea, or by flying down Kelly Drive. Found dismembered in the Schuykill. Raped and murdered running the trail at night. Or a 10 car pile up because some Nissan Altima took a corner at 80mph. That’s blue collar.

The business arm of the Sixers think the fans are absolute idiots. You know Chris Heck and Scott O’Neil attribute the Sixers’ insane valuation increase since 2010 because of the marketing and sales strategies they’ve instituted. Not because they have two top-20 players, one who has potentially the biggest personality the league has ever seen, and a movement created by a genius executive, executed flawlessly until they ran him out of town. They never wanted to embrace The Process until they couldn’t resist anymore and were basically forced to make money hand over fist for it. This is the first time Boathouse Row has gotten this much pub since it got it’s own licensing deal with Monopoly. No one cares about this jersey and they have too much pride to say they fucked it up and led us on. That’s why you end up with quotes like these that paint a picture you have no pulse on what this fan base actually cares about.

Introducing a variation of the 2001 jersey would’ve been the easiest win imaginable and would stack on the continued wins this organization has been experiencing since a disappointing playoff exit. IT WAS THE FUCKING 20TH ANNIVERSARY. Every time it feels like this organization is turning the corner here comes the business side to fuck it up again.

Daryl Morey should’ve demanded Scott Oneil’s resignation as a caveat to his contract and than shown up like Ari Gold on the first day back to the agency.

P.S. That hoodie and sports card are tough. Just trying to Live Life Nice, ya know?

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