So Charles Schwab Is Actually A Living Person?

charles schwab


How the fuck is Charles Schwab a living breathing person? If you would’ve asked me when Charles Schwab was born I would’ve told you 1860. I thought Charles Schwab was like J.P. Morgan or Morgan Stanley and were just guys who started banks in the 1800s. He came on the screen and I thought Jim Nantz was interviewing a ghost. No chance Charles Schwab the founder of Charles Schwab is still alive. It doesn’t make sense. I thought all banks were started in the 1800s running on stagecoach. Turns out Chuck’s only 82 years old and worth $7.2 billion. Listen $7.2 billy ain’t nothing to shake a stick at, but if your a major financial institution like the Morgan’s and the Stanley’s I thought you’d at least be in the 11 figure club. Instead you’d barely have enough money to buy the Yankees. I’m not mad at you Charles Schwab just happy you taught me something today, and that is you’re still alive. Charles fucking Schwab is actually still alive! I honestly can’t believe this.

Quick fun facts about my new friend Charles Schwab when I found out he was alive.

  • Charles Schwab is a billionaire and didn’t even realize he was dyslexic until age 40, which in a way I feel helps the anti-vaxxers in their crusade against science in some way.
  • Charles Schwab hates Democrats (duh). Donated $9 million to a “dark money” group opposing Obama being re-elected. I’d love to have a connect in a dark money group. Anything. Like a dark money group that sends all cats to Istanbul. Why Istanbul? No idea. Better than them being here.

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