BREAKING: Governor Murphy is signing an EO RAISING THE LIMIT ON INDOOR AND OUTDOOR GATHERINGS.
👥Indoor gatherings will be permitted at whichever number is lower – 25% of a building’s capacity or 50 people total
👥Limit on outdoor gatherings will be raised to 100 people pic.twitter.com/40xT7IGwgF
— Kevin J. Rooney (@KevinJRooney) June 9, 2020
Holy shit it’s actually happening! We’re actually going to have a summer with bars, 302’s, napkins, acoustic guitar, OD, DJs, bikinis, butts, bro’s, Bent Elbows, beers, Booms more B’s.
Spoiler alert: 25% capacity is not a lot. Gotta think the Sea Isle bars are going to goose the numbers to maximize efficiency and squeeze all the profits they can out of this summer. 25%? Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers.
More importantly you’re going to see an absolute clinic displayed by Sea Isle’s finest. I’m talking wire to wire 12pm-2:30am because if you leave there’s no chance you’re getting back in. These lines are going to be new iPhone release levels of long. There’s going to be a Craigslist black market for line-sitters to the OD, LaCosta, the Dog, even Pour House. Fucking Pour House? Pour House? Pour House is going to be full for the first time ever. Pour House is going to make out like a bandit in all of this. The only time I’ve been to Pour House it was like a shrine to Mike Trout in the bathroom. They have a section of the local newspaper dedicated to Millville. Dead serious.
I’m just happy summer is officially back. 25% is a start. We can get to 50%, I even feel 75% in my bones before summer is over. It’s going to be an absolute Fuck Fest in Sea Isle this year. Imagine unleashing thousands of horny inmates at once who’ve been shackled to their house with a free PornHub Premium subscription and Netflix. This is like unleashing an atom bomb on Hiroshima except the atom bomb is filled with cum and Sea Isle City is going to be covered in it. It’s going to look like James Franco’s house.
“Dropping loads of cum all over Sea Isle like a dump truck.”
Imagine people who got into a relationship during quarantine thinking this news wasn’t going to happen this early. It’s going to be the great Fuck Fest of 2020. Idiots! Quarantine was a long game the whole time. Your buddy is going to have an aneurysm trying to think of ways to break up with his girlfriend in time for the first true Sea Isle summer weekend.
P.S. Hey Dead Dog. I can’t wait to be inside you again. I just want to french the fuck out of Acoustic Nicki right now I’m so excited.