Good News: Atlantic City Just Took Away Open Container Laws On It’s Quest To Become New Orleans North

 

I honestly can’t believe this wasn’t already a thing, but I guess somehow I’ve never had the need to carry a beer from the Trop to the Hard Rock all these times. I mean has the Mayor of AC seen the boardwalk? Who is he trying to protect the hundreds of psychics and gypsies? They’ve got 14 year olds shaking people down. Dirt bikers dodging hitting people at 50mph. It’s anarchy on the boardwalk, I think me carrying a Miller Lite from casino to casino is the last problem. But Sgt. Fair of the ACPD, which is a perfect name for a police officer in these tough times, has to come and rain on the parade.

“It’s not where you can bring a 30-pack on the boardwalk. It’s going to be businesses and restaurants and stores that sell alcohol on the boardwalk.”

Why not? Why can’t I just crush a Miller Lite 30 pack on the AC Boardwalk and get my palm read for $30 to find out the first letter of my future wife? When I was 15 the psychic told me the first letter of my future wife’s name was “S” and my girlfriend named Sarah broke up with me a couple months earlier. If Sarah’s reading this, there’s still time to make amends.

Anyway how awesome would it be if we turned Atlantic City into New Orleans. You’re telling me tourism wouldn’t skyrocket with 24 hour bars, gambling, and those long fruity drinks? 

 

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I want to be drunk and sunburned on the AC Boardwalk walking off getting fucked by a backdoor cover from the Pacers in the NBA Playoffs with a big pina colada in my hand. Put a Senor Frogs in AC and I may never leave. What the fuck else are they going to do down there? It’s already a cess pool. Embrace the cess pool life. It’s like Vegas when you can only do 48-72 hours and then you have to get the hell out of there. Anything over 3 days and you’re pushing it. Nobody is built for 3+ days of Vegas. You’ll be a shell of your former self chasing the allure by Day 4 and you’ll end up on the roof of the Caesar’s Palace after being roofied. Less gypsies & psychics, laws, and t-shirt stores. More dark voodoo magic, open containers, and gambling. I just saved AC.

P.S. After Corona all open container laws should be abolished. Thanks a lot William Penn. All the local bars were selling beers and cocktails to-go this whole time. I saw people carrying six packs just polishing off one after another and I don’t even live in Northeast Philly where they call that Tuesday. Nothing better than going on a walk to get out of the house and stopping to pick up a couple beers to enjoy on the way. #DefundThePLCB

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