Not even SNL could not write something as ridiculous as this actual, real news report from my local station pic.twitter.com/VVTziwuyOd
— socially distant rendon (@maria_rendon97) May 18, 2020
Supposedly going topless was supposed to be for Jeeps, but the point still stands. I’m hoping everyone in that video stayed fully clothed for the duration of the weekend.
Especially our first fighter Woo Pig Sooie.
“Been corntine! I need to git out party WOOOOOOOOOO!” There’s no doubt Chelsea was snoring by 3pm because she started ripping Fireball at 8.
You want to scare children into washing their hands to stop the spread of Coronavirus just put this picture of the redneck Krampus on your bathroom mirror.
I just imagine this was Jordan James behind the camera the whole time they were recording. It’s like he landed in the upside down for rednecks and didn’t know what he got himself into when he chose this assignment.
Or this lady with her Houston Texans hat that she definitely bought after they went on sale when the Texans lost the Wild Card Saturday game again.
“What’s better than beach, a few drinks and Jeeps? Can it get any better than that. ”
It probably could. Maybe Bill O’Brien will have a plan going this season. Maybe he won’t let his chin dimple overtake his brain and trade his All-Pro wide receiver for more than a 2nd & 4th rounder and ruining the prime years of his QB. Or getting Art of the Deal’d by your offensive lineman in contract negotiations. Maybe even winning a playoff game on NFL Wild Card Saturday. I don’t know just spitballing.
You know this cop was just itching to lock people up this weekend. When he dropped that the local jail had a lot of holes in it that was his I Have A Dream speech. And that dream was slapping some cuffs on anyone who got a little out of line. No doubt he had his eyes on Chelsea ready to lock her ass up at a moments notice.
They honestly had their hands full all weekend. 140 arrests in three days. Our guy probably ran out of cuffs he was probably tying people to sticks with rope like they were hogs ready to be barbecued.
What do you think this water smelled like after this weekend?