Did You Know The MyPillow Guy Was A Crack Addict?

 

What a life by the MyPillow Guy huh? He totally went into that Bed, Bath, and Beyond when he was high as fuck on crack and just started screaming for them to buy a bunch of fucking pillows. They probably had to call 10 security guards to get the cracked out guy rambling about something called MyPillow out of the store. Or how when he woke up out of a crack dream and decided to write MyPillow all over the place. It probably looked like the “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” Pepe Silvia scene in the kitchen. Also, he used a $15k investment from his bookie as start up capital? I mean there’s no reason this business had a 1% chance to succeed. The guy didn’t even know how to spell kiosk.

And somehow he grew his company $300 million in sales when he was…

 

 

I mean if you ask me what is the key to becoming a successful entrepreneur it’s not an ability to outwork everyone or your business sense. It’s mainlining crack to the heart so you can stay up for two weeks straight and increase productivity by 5000%. Could you imagine how much blogs I could pump out if I was sucking some rocks through a crack pipe in between blogs? I’d have 10,000 word dissertations written in an hour. I’ve gotta get my hands on some of this magical crack MyPillow Guy scored. If you ask me his dealer telling no one to sell to him almost brought the MyPillow business to it’s knees before his crack addiction would’ve.

Can we be honest with each other? This picture doesn’t look like a crackhead who’s been up for two weeks straight. Cracked out? Sure. Tired? Start-ups aren’t for narcoleptics. But two weeks? I need this guys eyeballs to be hanging down to his mustache. This looks like every mid-30s dad with three kids in middle America hating his wife and job.

 

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Say what you want about MyPillow Guy, but it’s pretty crazy he came from a crack addiction to creating a successful company and speaking at a press conference for the President during a Coronavirus task force briefing, where it sounded like he was reading a ransom letter asking for his life.

 

 

And how about the book title of Mike’s autobiography? Really getting right to the point on that one. You don’t even need to read the cover jacket pocket synopsis to get what this book is all about. Now at your local MyPillow factory and where ever books are sold. Make sure you get the special two covers “Collectors Edition”. MyPillow Mike and MyCrackPipe Mike.

 

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