The WooderBoys,

Winners & Losers From The First Two Episodes Of The Last Dance

by April 20, 2020no comment
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Wow. Honestly you couldn’t have asked for a better sequence of episodes to start off this documentary. We all hate Jerry Krause and we all learned the lessons of not trying to break up a dynasty while there is still gas left in the tank. Imagine today if LeBron wins 5 titles with Erik Spoelstra and and Pat Riley tells Spoelstra no matter what this is your last year coaching. The takes! Imagine the takes! There were a ton of winners and losers in just the first two episodes.

Winners:

Phil, Scottie, & MJ

Without a doubt these three are the ultimate winners from both episodes tonight. Each had their moments over the two episodes. We know about Jordan’s competitiveness and how he would do whatever it takes to win, but seeing it firsthand was next level. When they won that fake McDonalds Championship game and the one guy joked about getting a hug from Mike. I really thought the next scene was going to be Michael saying, “And that’s why we cut his ass.” That look was the iciest thing I’ve ever seen.

 

 

Btw – did anyone ever find this French guy? He’s definitely buried under the Louvre somewhere.

 

Scottie Pippen is  officially the King of Summers! It doesn’t matter if it is a foot injury or Coronavirus. He’s not letting anybody fuck up his summers. Tough look for Scottie though to be unable to shake the #2 moniker even after retirement as the directors sat down and were like, “Hey let’s make Scottie the focus of episode 2” of a 10 part doc.

 

 

How is there no footage of Pippen motherfucking Krause from the back of the bus? I mean there’s footage from the team plane, but there’s not one clip of Scottie calling Jerry Krause a fat midget bitch? I’m going to need that B roll on the directors cut.

Imagine being Phil Jackson, a 5x NBA Champion, and you’re told that you could go 82-0 and you still won’t be coaching next year. How about the balls on Jerry Krause?

 

 

Honestly, I could use more Zen Master. I feel like they didn’t use him enough. Nothing he said in these first two episodes stuck out to me besides coming up with the name for the documentary. I have a feeling Phil is going to shine in episode 3 with Rodman.

 

Kangol Hats

HUGEEEEEE night for Kangol hats. I’m pretty sure everyone in the 90s owned a Kangol hat at one point. You could argue these 4 are the most influential people of the 90s and they all chose to rock Kangol.

 

I need the numbers on Kangol hat searches on Amazon right now. You know your dad watched last night, and he’s thinking about bringing the Kangol back. Everyone’s going to be wearing Kangols at No Shower Happy Hour this summer. Look at the Google trends. Kangol’s up 700% in search queries. Imagine if people really knew how to spell Kangol what the % would be.

 

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Growth Spurts 

I mean how the fuck did Dennis Rodman grow 14 inches from high school to college? Hall of Famer Scottie Pippen was the equipment manager of Central Arkansas and measured 6’1 freshman year. He ended up becoming a 6’8 forward and 6x NBA Champion.

 

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I feel like the MJ growth spurt from 5’8 to 6’3 the summer of his junior year is brushed under the rug a little when people talk about him getting cut from his high school team.

Big night for growth spurts. I grew from 5’5 in 8th grade to 6’5 by senior year of high school. I peaked early unless I probably would’ve been a 3x champion with the Warriors by now.

 

Skip Bayless

This was Skip Bayless’ Magnum Opus.  The #1 crusader against LeBron vs. MJ arguments. I’m pretty sure he owns 100 accounts of MJ stan Twitter that will fight anyone who talks bad about Jordan. I wouldn’t be surprised if Skip’s sitting there naked with a jar of Cetaphil on his nightstand watching. His meat is going to look like a cheese grater got to it by the end of this documentary it’s going to be so raw.

 

 

Rookie Hazing

 

Former Chicago Residents

https://twitter.com/SBNation/status/1252050843890638851/photo/1

 

Glad to see they were able to pull random people off the streets, real fans, to speak about what Jordan meant to them. Former Drug Guy Barack Obama and former Blowjob Connoisseur Bill Clinton didn’t really roll off the tongue.

 

clinton

 

Aging 

MJ’s mom almost won the show at one point. I think I missed when they introduced her and I thought it was Mj’s sister talking.

 

Listen if you’re a billionaire or you have a billionaire son I’m positive there is some anti-aging serum they mail you when you become a member of the four comma club. MJ on the other hand looks rough. I can’t stop looking at his bloodshot eyes. It looks like he still plays 36 holes everyday and gambles until 6am every night.

 

 

 

Losers:

Jerry Krause

I mean this is a no brainer. No one hates Jerry Krause more than Scottie, MJ, and Phil. The mans dead and they just kept piling more dirt on him. I love how they openly called him short and fat to his face. When MJ asked him if those were pills that made him short or diet pills I wanted to jump out of my skin.

 

 

Jerry had to be the most hated man in Chicago. Listen to the boo’s when he got announced at the Ring Ceremony in ’97 compared to Phil Jackson.

 

 

I mean the guy was even boo’d at his very own banner ceremony in 2003.

 

 

It’s hilarious that everyone who Jerry Reinsdorf asked about Jerry Krause told him to stay away from him because he alienates people. Who would’ve thought that Jerry Krause would alienate three of the most important people to the Bulls. Shocking really.

Jerry Krause was definitely the inspiration around Swackhammer from Space Jam.

 

 

LeBron James Fans

 

I mean if you’re still 100% convinced LeBron James is the greatest basketball player of all time you’re delusional. I don’t think this doc or the argument will ever be solved, but even the staunchest LeBron James supporter needs to believe Jordan was a different breed from anyone else.

 

The Cocaine Bulls

 

 

Hey kids if you want to grow up big and strong and be the greatest basketball player of all time don’t join your team on obvious team bonding experiences. You think MJ is a narc? Young MJ kinda felt a little bit like a square. 1993 MJ would’ve done a line and then took everyone’s money in poker, play 18, and drop 45 that night on Boston. You’re telling me this guy’s never partook in a line or two?

 

mj

 

The Wage Gap

 

This is a tough visual to stomach.

 

pippen pay

 

This was probably the biggest outrage from social media other than Jerry Krause just being genuinely unlikable. Scottie Pippen signed a 7 year/$18 million deal basically a year before the cap skyrocketed. I understand he felt the need to provide for his family, but when the owner is even telling you it’s a bad contract, it’s a bad contract. You could’ve doubled Scottie Pippen’s salary and it still wouldn’t be more than Ron Harper or Toni Kukoc’s. Somehow though Pippen ended up making more than Jordan in his on the court earnings during his career.

 

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There’s a great story from the ’92 Dream Team doc about how pissed Scottie & Michael were that Krause was hyping up Toni Kukoc and paying him more then Pippen. So they decided to just lock him up full court all game to stick it to Jerry Krause.

 

 

The Facebook

When did Sean Parker give the ok that it was alright to go back to The Facebook? I thought we dropped that because it’s cleaner with just Facebook as the headline. Also, does Facebook think changing their name makes people forget about them harvesting all our information and knowing where I am at all times?

 

If this doc was released on Netflix I would’ve watched the whole thing. Making us wait until next Sunday is cruel. I’m most excited about the Rodman episode. I might just do cocaine to be on the same wavelength the whole time. Rodman in the 2010s would’ve been even more of a circus than he was back then. There are stories that he’d go 72 hours without the Bulls knowing where he was. They had to hire a god damn babysitter for him!

I don’t know why ESPN took the short off of YouTube, but the podcast is worth the listen for the stories alone.

 

 

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