Philly’s Best Minds Meet In A Wawa Parking Lot To Discuss Coronavirus

 

The biggest shocker of this whole video is Northeast Philly is leading the meeting. The next time I meet someone this responsible from the Northeast will be the first time. Northeast is the poorer cousin of Delco and I love Northeast Philly! Everyone I’ve ever met from the Northeast is unapologetically themselves 24/7 365. They don’t give a fuck what you think of them and I respect the hell out of it. They’ll rip heaters and drink Miller High Life at 7am on a Tuesday if they want and go build another skyscraper in Center City. If this was really a meeting led by Northeast Philly it’d be in a VFW and there’d be hot dogs boiling in a crockpot in the background.

There’s no chance Kensington is showing up to this meeting unless you kidnap them. Crackheads don’t do meetings. How do you think they became crackheads? You have to make a trail of crack that leads into a back alley and then catch the crackhead with one of those Mouse Trap contraptions from that 90s board game.

 

 

Fishtown guy got me irrationally angry. I hate Fishtown guy. The only thing that makes me smile about Fishtown guy is that his house is built with paper mache and will one night crush him while he’s sleeping. It’s the little things in life that make you smile.

Fishtown guy though can’t hold a candle to South Jersey guy. South Jersey guy is a sheep. A guy who won’t get out of his comfort zone and make the move to the big city so he stays in his safe space of Washington Township or Mount Laurel. He can see the skyline from his front yard and the thought of living there sends shivers down his spine. But when he’s asked where he lives by people outside of the Mid-Atlantic he tells them Philly. But truthfully the thought of living in Philly makes him feel a level of anxiety similar to mainlining a Wawa 20 ouncer of that Kenyan flavor on an empty stomach.

For part 2 I hope West Philly guy has enough coin to bail himself out of jail in time for the next meeting of the minds. Maybe introduce Delco guy and him and NE Philly can fight to the death over who’s dad is the tougher cop.

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