I Need More Tik Toks From Prison


Just cause you’re on trial doesn’t mean you can’t go viral.

People say prison food sucks, but these dudes look pretty well fed. I love that all of these dudes are built like the Pilsbury Doughboy, if the Pilsbury Doughboy was wanted for double murder. Those titties were shaking like it was Jell-O Thursdays in chow hall.

This is the new Death Row Records. You might not like it, but you have to adapt with the times. Going viral on Soundcloud is in the past. To make it in the rap game now you need a song with a catchy hook, upload it to Tik Tok, and hope teenagers create a dance for it. Lil Nas X made $4 million last year off of Old Town Road. Let that sink in.

I need more prison Tik Toks. Even if they just have this guy in them. I know a star when I see one and that traveling violation into the double bird was up there with the moonwalk. Could you imagine this guy coming to stab you in the showers and he’s coming through with that dance? There’s no defending that. You have to just hope you survive at that point.


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Can we agree that this is the worst dance out of all of the Tik Tok dances that have gone viral? I mean you’ve got some people who spend 5 hours on the Renegade and this one is the one takes off? This is like the Yi Jianlian of dances. Just stand in a line one right, one left and get out of the frame. Typical Gen Z, just never wants to work for it and have everything handed to them easily instead.


P.S. What do you think the conversation was like when one of them brought up making a Tik Tok? One of the guys had to have been recently convicted and told his gen pop bunkmates, who’ve been locked up for years, about this new trend called Tik Tok. That’s the only way. I love how these guys sacrificed 2 months in solitary confinement just for _nuttyboy_6200 to get all the fame and fortune of virality. That’s family.


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