Steak-umm – Yes Steak-umm – Just Delivered The Most Eloquent Thoughts On Data & Coronavirus

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Steak-umm fucking HATES fake news! Hates it more than anyone in this world. I’ll tell you what, I did not think a bunch of frozen meats were going to unify the country during this time, but I was dead wrong. Every red blooded American who loves their country better be lining up to purchase some Steak-umms for tonights dinner…if there are some still left in the grocery store. The steak-umm Q rating is going to skyrocket post-pandemic. It’s going to be the Rosie Riveter of the Corona.

 

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What source do we think Steak-umms get’s it’s news from. I’ll be honest with you i thought this was going down a Fox News route very fast with the way Mr. umm was telling us not to believe all the media stories out there. That’s a Fox News play. Then I started to think Steak-umms was going the CNN route with the “gatekeepers of information have been dismantled”. What an absolute electric line! But I think Steak-umms is a Bloomberg News guy. Just wants the facts covered while trying not to have a seizure due to all of their color and graphics packages.

Also, the social guy over at Steak-umms needs a raise. He dismantled everyone that could try and poke a hole in this thread. You know how hard that is to not upset anyone on social media? Steak-umms has a 100% approval rating. They even poked fun at themselves mentioning how they manipulate people into buying processed meat to keep the lights on. My Instagram feed is going to be littered with random Steak-umm ad’s on it by noon because I said Steak-umm out loud in my apartment.

Oh, and I’m about to “Steak-umm bless” everyone as my email sign off for the rest of the day.

“Here’s that overdue report you needed, VP.

steak-umm bless,

Kyle”

 

P.S. I’m pretty sure the Steak-umm social media intern meant to post this on their personal account. Once he knew it hit on the inter-webs they just ran with it. Can’t convince me otherwise.

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