Who Is This Amazon Worker To Determine Dildo’s Are Non-Essential Items?


News flash guy. Who are you to determine which items are and which items aren’t essential? If you ask me dildo’s have never been more essential. We are amidst a pandemic. Are you going to try to take porn away next? I need PornHub to do one of those special graphs where they show the activity on their site during the Super Bowl of each city and then after. The entire month of March probably looks like Mt. Everest right now.

Does this Amazon worker know how many horny people there are in this world on a regular basis? Multiply that by a billion when you’re in quarantine. Imagine if you were in your house bored out of your mind. You’ve finished everything interesting on Netflix, the dog is hiding from you because you’ve taken it on 8 walks by noon, and you refuse to read a book. Then imagine you’re surrounded by a bunch of dick and vagina shaped foods because you panic bought everything. There’s a chance you’re sticking your dick in that bagel you just buttered. Or maybe you bought eight cucumbers for no reason, and you hate cucumbers. I’m sure you can get pretty creative now. So I understand this worker cares about his wellbeing, but die on another hill, bro. As a guy who’s never owned a dildo, if you asked me, they’re pretty essential at a time like this. I’d love to see the numbers on Lisa Ann Fleshlights that are flying off the shelves.

Finally, who’s this guy think he works for, Mother Theresa? Dude, you work for the richest man in the world. You think Jeff Bezos built his company from a little bookshop to the supply chain mammoth it is today because he cared about the safety and wellbeing of his employees? Do you think a guy who dresses like the 4D version of Mr. Clean, if Mr. Clean decided he wanted to become an aerobics instructor at a Gold’s Gym, think you’re irreplaceable?


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Nope. Next man up to keep that supply chain running flawless. Anyone can trigger those Lambda Functions. How else am I going to get these $200 bronze ball knockers for my front door with two day shipping on Amazon Prime?


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